When Dr. Selma Lewis and I were coming up with the title for our podcast about and for supporting the women that we know and love, I was thrilled when she suggested “Isn’t This Enough?”
Both of us have a sense in our independent work, that so much suffering in women comes from our sense of never having done enough.
When I work with women in the clinic on their necks, they lie face up and often try to help hold the weight of their heads (zero men have ever done this during my time in the clinic!). I think this is subconscious- an attempt to make the weight easier for me?
Reflecting on many of the women that I know, love and work with- so many are stuck in various loops of overdoing.
Whether in codependent patterns of care taking in their romantic relationships, or striving for perfection in their physical bodies or at work- we women seem to be overdoing everything and in the process, forgetting how to simply care for ourselves.
I had success in childhood by overworking. I would overwork at school or at the gym and I would get the results I wanted. I learned to apply this technique to undergraduate and then graduate school.
By the time I was in my early 30s, I felt like I had to do all of the grocery shopping and cooking, be perfect and likeable at work, work out hard most days of the week, travel and socialize in my brief time off. I needed to like and be liked while doing all of the above. A lot of us women add on top of that stew a side of “looking good” while doing any of the above tasks as a further challenge we need to live up to. I am not even someone who uses social media well, or is that interested in my physical appearance. I can only imagine the heightened pressure those facets bring.
When did the idea that we can do anything, get transformed into the notion that we can do everything?